.standing at the door.

Hello dear ones! I hope that those of you who are State side enjoyed a wonderful time with your loved ones this Thanksgiving weekend! There is so much to be thankful for and I for one am thankful for all of you! Seriously. :O) For stopping by and saying hello. Thank you.

This last week has kicked my butt. Nablopomo has kicked my butt. So, I am awfully whooped! But be that as it may, there are beautiful things about to take place. I can feel it.

My heart has gone through so many different emotions in the last several days and I know this upcoming week will only intensify those feelings. Anticipation is probably the most profound at the moment. I am standing in front of a door, several doors actually, each one opening up to a new opportunity to live, to experience, to share. Tomorrow, I have an interview with a local charity that has been aiding many refugees who have been relocated here in Nashville. More on that after the interview. There's a good possibility that I will be displaying some of my photographs in a local bookstore. So many other things in the works that my heart is thrilled and scared at the same time! I cannot even begin to tell you how important all these possibilities are to me right now. My hope is to come back here in a few days to report news of doors flying wide open. . . and of me, humbly walking through them. Until then, have a wonderful week, all of you!

.today's gratitude::III.

Today I am grateful. . .

. . . for family.
. . . for heritage.
. . . for history.
. . . for the legacies of loved ones whose lives were well lived.
. . . for seeing the smiles on loving faces in the midst of tears and heartache.
. . . for the reminder that life is too short to be consumed with ourselves.
. . . for the inspiration to live the best life possible.
. . . for the rainbow that greeted us after we said our final farewells.

.today's gratitude::II.

Today, I am grateful. . .

. . . for memories. All the good, and maybe not so much all the bad.
. . . for gentle whispers.
. . . for tender glances.
. . . for those moments when silence speaks volumes.
. . . for peace.

Words fail me this evening. A very special, most tenderhearted soul left this earth in the middle of the night, softly in her sleep. A most loving wife, mother and grandmother. A sweet, kind, and caring friend. We will miss you dearly Eliza Bell.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom;
and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household,
and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Her children arise up, and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously,
but thou excellest them all.
Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain:
but a woman that feareth the Lord,
she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands;
and let her own works praise her
in the gates.
~Proverbs 31:26-31

.today's gratitude.

With Thanksgiving only a week away, I wanted to go ahead and start my list of things I am thankful for. So today, I am grateful. . .

. . . for new friends.
. . . for old friends.
. . . for new opportunities.
. . . for second chances.
. . . for hugs (both virtual and actual).
. . . for laughter.
. . . for encouragement.

Friends, today, I am grateful for you.

.a gift from within.

You give but little when you
give your possessions. It is
when you give of yourself
that you truly give.
~Kahlil Gibran

Anything that has real
and lasting value is
always a gift from
within.
~Franz Kafka

.i'm not pregnant, i'm just fat.

Okay, I realize that I had gained a substantial amount of weight right before, and during my pregnancy with my daughter. The excuse, "I just had a baby" went out the window about two years ago. I have always struggled with my weight. As a kid, I was always chubby, and was constantly reminded of it. There were times in elementary school when I'd be called "Fatty-Kathy" or "Fathryn." Kids can be so mean. I was never "obese" just, as my also horizontally challenged father would say, "pleasantly plump." When I started working full-time for a craft retailer, I slowly started to lose weight. Not that I was trying anything. Overtime I came to my all-time thinnest. I was 140 pounds when I first moved to Kentucky. 4 years later, and back in Tennessee, I am now 170 pounds. Thirty pounds. Doesn't sound like much. The problem has been trying to find a way to get rid of it. Lyposuction is NOT an option! ;o)

Honestly, I had been trying to "ignore" the fact that I no longer feel comfortable in this body. Awkward. That's the best way to describe how I feel. Awkward, because clothes never really seem to fit in the right spots. Boobs not big enough. Waist too wide. I am a squishy rectangle with a head, arms, and legs. It's hard enough when you struggle with your own self-image. It's even harder when a member of your hubby's family says on the phone, "I haven't seen you in a wee while. Are you still fat or have you gotten thin?" My response, "NO. I'm still fat." WTF?!

This is not quite the "happy" post I wanted to put up today. I guess I felt compelled to share a more vulnerable side of me. Vent maybe. If I could, I'd hire myself a personal "stylist" that way they could help me regain a sense of confidence with the figure and face that I've got, because right now, I just don't feel like it's good enough to see the light of day.