when nature calls

Hello friend.  I've been trying hard to put together a post worth sharing.  Honestly, it's been pretty difficult to do, as you can tell by the long stretches of time between each entry.  It's not that I haven't had anything to bring to you.  It's just that once I sat here attempting to put it together so that it made sense, I simply couldn't do it.  So I'll go ahead and apologize now if this entry seems a little disjointed.  There has been a lot of soul searching going on within myself.  I've been keeping my distance only to allow myself the room I need to be able to breathe . . . deeply.

A few weeks ago, I took my family to Ev-Henwood, a wooded area tucked away about 20 minutes outside of Wilmington.  It was just the kind of wilderness I've been needing.  My daughter, before being mauled by mosquitoes, exclaimed joyfully that it was like being in a magical forest you read about in a storybook.  It was important for me to hear that.  As a parent, especially in the day and age we live in, I worry sometimes that my child doesn't have enough exposure to the natural world.  As I watch her soak in the smells, texture, and sounds of the woods, I'm reminded of how quickly she has grown and of how much I have yet to show her.  I, myself, have felt so far removed from nature that I can feel this thick layer of impenetrable skin slowly forming over my heart like a wall.  Just when I think I'm a lost cause, my daughter gleefully shows me a multi-colored spotted leaf she picked up off the forest floor.  It's so pretty Mama.  I look closely at this leaf, one that looks just like many of the others scattered about in front of me, when I realize that in my hand I hold a letter from God written with veins upon a multi-colored spotted page, delivered to me by a six year old courier.  Nature is another way the Creator speaks with us.  I have truly missed these conversations.

.not quite the milky way.

It's so easy as parents to get bent out of shape when our little ones get themselves caught up in a round of mischief. Say like when your toddler decides to sprinkle the entire living room floor with a new bottle of baby powder and then proceeds to dance in it while you are in the kitchen washing dishes. Or, dare I say, on Facebook? Did I mention that you just swept and cleaned the hardwood floors? After a brief moment summed up by the words "what-the-hell?!" and a Little Miss Thing being put into time-out, you walk into the living room, broom and dust pan in hand, and realize just how interesting this mess of lavender scented talcum powder looks on your floor. The tiny, random splotches suddenly become faraway galaxies, and miniature footprints become a sign of alien existence. Super Nanny would have probably lectured me for what I did next, but I didn't care. I pulled the little one out of time out, and for just a few minutes, let her dance amongst the stars. . . that is. . . before they were swept away. . . as *stardust*.

.growing.

Growing. She and I both are. Me, into this role of Mommy. She, into this spunky little girl. Where'd the time go? I'm still trying to get used to mommyhood. I love it, and yet at times I still struggle with it. Am I paying her enough attention? Too much? Is she just being a kid or should I have scolded her for throwing all the crayons all over the floor? Am I too hard? Too soft? Did she just say what I think she said? Did she get that from me?!

Where did my little baby go? Wait, there's that smile. There she is. Walking up and down the steps in her little white shoes that are quickly getting too small for her growing feet. She doesn't seem to mind. She just wants to skip, to jump, to fling her doll into the air and then pick her up when she falls, squeezing her so tightly as if she was afraid, just for a moment, that she would never come back down. She doesn't need help going up and down the stairs "Mama, I do it." She sings We're off to see the Wizard over and over, laughing each time she gets to the end, all the while she is still going up and down the stairs, occasionally stopping to stare out between the posts. Just when I think she doesn't even seem to notice that I am there, she stops at the top of the stairs, holding on to her favorite doll, she looks back and says, "C'mon Mama" holding out her hand to me.

Yes, we are growing. Me, into a more confident and thankful mother. She, into a most beautiful and carefree soul.

.a magical moment.

Have you ever had one of those days, when it seems like nothing is going right, you are so stressed out, and if anyone makes just one smart ass comment you'll snap? Ha ha! However, by the end of the day, something small yet significant happens, fading everything else into an irrelevant blur. That was my day. I won't even bother going through the details of the "irrelevant blur," but I will tell you that my little 2 year old has FINALLY started using the potty!! I had intentions of photographing the occasion, but decided that you probably didn't need to see that. Ha! So, instead, how about a pretty picture of geese and goslings in a pond being led by a duck? Hope little magical moments find their way to you this week!

**Update: So. . . we're kinda sorta back to square one with the potty training, which I guess is normal right?! Did I fail to mention that I attempted to cut her bangs yesterday? Well, what should have been a simple cut ended up turning into a nightmare. Needless to say, she is now sporting what could pass as a mullet. And I cried.