There is a magnetic memo board that hangs on the door to my kitchen pantry. There is a small phrase that I wrote on it little more than 2 and a half years ago. It's a little worn off now since it's been mostly covered with yellow post-it notes with scribbles of phone numbers, reminders, postcards, and whatever else will stick on to it. Focus on what matters most. I wrote those words when I was in the third trimester of my pregnancy with my daughter. Besides her Daddy, I felt alone, torn, betrayed. It was a very difficult time for me. My job was in turmoil, my friends and family were far enough away that I fell into the category of 'out of sight, almost out of mind.' My stress level got so high that I would actually have heart palpitations. My focus was not where it needed to be. The world around me seemed oppressed and cold, and yet within me, there was a warmth. . . a tiny heart beating. . . a world of miracles and peace. I wrote those words to remind myself that nothing that was going on around me had any more importance than what was going on in my womb. This child, and her well-being was all that mattered.
Those words have helped calm me down during moments of uncertainty, disappointment, anger, and fear. For awhile here, I have struggled with what to do with me. There's so much I want to do. Photography, crafts, school, this and that. I have been searching so passionately for Kat the artiste, the photographer, the traveler, the bohemian that I have completely overlooked the the gal who was baptized into a new realm of womanhood. I began to forget about Kat the Mommy. She has brought me back down to earth and made me realize that it's through this new role as Mom that I have embarked on a wonderful, trying, yet all together amazing journey of discovery. And I will not be alone. With me, I shall walk beside a brilliant guide. . . my child.
"C'mon Mama, let's go!"