Tuesday, March 2, 2010

.still so much to learn.

I will be the first one to admit that I still have so much to learn about my role in this world as a photographer and as a student of the medium. I am not an expert. Never pretended that I was. I am caught between analog and digital, amateur and professional. Am I where I want to be? No. Not yet. Forgive me if this post ends up being somewhat fragmented. It just mirrors what's in my head.

Malfunction. That's what happened. Brand spanking new camera malfunctioned during a photoshoot that I had planned for months. I did not bring a backup. In my ignorance, I didn't think that I needed to. We were an hour away from town so running back was NOT an option. Embarrassed. LIVID. Discouraged. The camera has to be sent back to the manufacturer for repairs. I only had it for less than two weeks. Can't make an exchange because my shutter count exceeded the allowable amount. Disheartened. Wish I had brought my 35mm instead.

Was the day a total loss? No. And I should remind myself of that more often. I did manage to capture some great shots. Fortunately the subject, a good friend of mine, was very sympathetic as he has had his own fair share of "malfunction moments" and said the best thing to do was to take this as a learning experience and to prepare for situations similar to this in the future. Let's hope they don't happen in the future. We were able to brainstorm some more and came up with some fantastic ideas to pursue in our upcoming sessions. So, it wasn't all bad. Just the camera. [heavy sigh]

I have a website. I have a photoblog. I have an etsy account. But who am I? I honestly don't think I have found my "voice" yet. Experiment. That word has constantly been ringing in my ear. Patience. Practice. The beautiful voices we cherish in music had to fine tune their skill until the right sound was theirs to claim. I've been reading The Handmade Marketplace by Kari Chapin. Currently, I'm rolling around the subject of branding in my head. Ideas are floating. I just need to pinpoint the one that best describes me and what it is I want to do.

This is where I am right now. I am in that middle state of mind. . . between the thought and the action. Doors are opening. I am terrified. Yet I know that if I don't walk through them with confidence, I will hate myself for it. I am reminded of my fortune cookie fortune from January of 2009.

You are capable, competent, creative, and careful.
Prove it.


  1. i could feel your pain. i could totally imagine me doing something like that. which reminds me to pamper my backup camera a bit more. i love your voice as an artist. your shots are fab and your processing is really great too.

  2. Char, you are always a sweetheart.
    Thank you. :O)

  3. Kathy, you are honestly the best photographer that James and I have ever seen. We talk about your work with our family and friends; we are so proud of what you create and share. People are always most critical of themselves, but I really hope you see how much talent you have and how beautiful your photos are. As far as the malfunction is concerned, it has happened to ALL of us and will most likely happen again... we just have to be smart and strong enough to roll with the punches :)

  4. Hey Kat, i do think you are being a bit rough on yourself. Cameras are usually extremely reliable, especially new ones, so you had no way of knowing it would break. I've heard of far worse incidents by working snappers.

    To the 'I have a website. I have a photoblog. I have an etsy account' i would add business/intro card to that list. Something you can hand to someone if they ask ;o) Go for it lady, you'd make a cracking commercial photographer :o)

  5. Thanks Meg and Rich. Honestly, I
    realize that I put WAY too much
    pressure on myself that at times
    it's paralyzing! It's something
    that I am working on. haha! I also
    realize that everything can't go
    perfectly all the time. Such an
    over-achiever! Geez! Haha! Rich,
    you're right. I do need to get
    business cards off to the printers
    soon. I love you guys. :O)

  6. be kind to yourself . you are so accomplished in so may ways kat . such a sweet photo

  7. well, we all feel that way at times, I think. Your photos are lovely, your words well written...just keep moving forward...


Just so you know. . . you've already brightened my day!