Tuesday, November 17, 2009

.i'm not pregnant, i'm just fat.

Okay, I realize that I had gained a substantial amount of weight right before, and during my pregnancy with my daughter. The excuse, "I just had a baby" went out the window about two years ago. I have always struggled with my weight. As a kid, I was always chubby, and was constantly reminded of it. There were times in elementary school when I'd be called "Fatty-Kathy" or "Fathryn." Kids can be so mean. I was never "obese" just, as my also horizontally challenged father would say, "pleasantly plump." When I started working full-time for a craft retailer, I slowly started to lose weight. Not that I was trying anything. Overtime I came to my all-time thinnest. I was 140 pounds when I first moved to Kentucky. 4 years later, and back in Tennessee, I am now 170 pounds. Thirty pounds. Doesn't sound like much. The problem has been trying to find a way to get rid of it. Lyposuction is NOT an option! ;o)

Honestly, I had been trying to "ignore" the fact that I no longer feel comfortable in this body. Awkward. That's the best way to describe how I feel. Awkward, because clothes never really seem to fit in the right spots. Boobs not big enough. Waist too wide. I am a squishy rectangle with a head, arms, and legs. It's hard enough when you struggle with your own self-image. It's even harder when a member of your hubby's family says on the phone, "I haven't seen you in a wee while. Are you still fat or have you gotten thin?" My response, "NO. I'm still fat." WTF?!

This is not quite the "happy" post I wanted to put up today. I guess I felt compelled to share a more vulnerable side of me. Vent maybe. If I could, I'd hire myself a personal "stylist" that way they could help me regain a sense of confidence with the figure and face that I've got, because right now, I just don't feel like it's good enough to see the light of day.


  1. This post hits home for me too. If we're sharing vulnerability today here is mine: I still have not lost the weight after my partial pregnancy with Bella. It's hard to not only lose your daughter 20 weeks into a pregnancy but then to also not feel comfortable in your own skin makes it ever harder. Awkward is the perfect way to describe it. I am not unhappy. But I am not happy either. I think a personal stylist to help gain confidence in your skin as is would be fabulous!

  2. it's so rotten that we women have to struggle with this issue. i feel you on this one. i think we're always struggling with being comfortable and losing the weight to match our mind's ideal. just make sure that you're healthy in doing it. i want you to stay around, you know? *smile*

    i think it's good to be healthy but society makes us have some unreal expectations at times.

  3. member of hubbys family need to be smacked...did I just type that...YES!

    "feeling comfortable" in your own body is a good way to put it kat...there are so many ways we feel uncomfortable and one is weight...(((hugs ))ELK

  4. oh sweetie...family can be hurtful !

    I think your post before this one says so much as far as what we give and really who we are, comes from within....those who really see, don't see the outside first....they see a heart full of love and patience and kindness above anything else...

    I hope somehow this helps just a little bit today....

  5. Hi Kat, I know this post is over a week old now - just spotted it. That sweet photo jumped right out at me.
    I hope you're feeling better about yourself now, or will soon. Try not to give any value to other people's unkind words - I know that's easier said than done.
    No one who cares for you would speak like that, and if they don't care for you, their opinion counts for nothing.
    Best wishes!


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