Tuesday, November 3, 2009

.struggle of the heart.

Words cannot truly describe what goes on in your heart when you find yourself struggling between emotions of love, compassion, hope, sadness, fear, and shame. Even now, I don't even know where to begin. How far back do I go to tell you that I've always wanted to help, to be part of something more than myself. I fight for the right words. Bare with me.

I'll take you to yesterday. It's all still fresh in my mind. The emotions still reverberating in my heart. We spent most of the day downtown, child in tow, attempting to capture images of Nashville. But really, my main reason for going downtown was to go to the Public Library. In the courtyard across the street from the library, it is there that many of the homeless gather. As we walked pass them, I couldn't help but be reminded of a video my husband shared with me just a few days ago. Images of those rummaging through trash, those who sleep upon the hard, cold ground, those who have nearly forgotten the feeling of warmth, of peace. Part of me wanted to stop walking, to look up from the sidewalk, but fear stood in front of me as new images flashed across my mind. Images of my camera and purse being snatched, my child being ripped out of our hands, of us getting cornered, mugged. These images slowly lost their strength, fading away as we crossed over and entered into the building. In my relief, I found myself feeling ashamed. Ignorance is not bliss. It is simply ignorance.

Be the change you want to see in the world. ~ Gandhi. I misunderstood that for believing that it meant you had to be overseas, in the midst of a land and culture far from your own. But this is not the case. The world is wherever we are. Whether that be far away in India, or the Rez (reservation), or downtown, or even closer still, our own home.

There will be changes in my world. I am changing. I am seeing. I am feeling. I am loving. I am opening up so that I can bring warmth to you, wherever you are.

1 comment:

  1. I love this post. I rarely see homeless people in my area but I was amazed during my visit to portland oregon- it is so sad and yes I am very ignorant to the truth of it all.I've always wanted to something to help but here I sit.... Thanks for making us aware.


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